Semi-Amusing Religious Based Quote Product

I've been exploring the school prayer/public religion thing with renewed zeal the past few days, so the first quotes on this page are ones that I have gleaned from Yahoo's Discussion boards on the topic.
So what if some people think the story of JESUS is a myth. It is a good myth, and it gives people hope.
I don't believe there are atheist students, just atheist parents trying to force their minority opinions on the majority.
I don't attend funerals. I've never attended one during my adult life. Whenever I am convinced that a person truly went to heaven, then you will see me at his funeral. --Robert T. Lee
Demons cause more than one type of expression on the faces of the people whom they possess: There is the glassy-eyed look and stare of the epileptic; the feminine look in the male homosexual; the masculine look in the lesbian; the look of education and sophistication; the look of innocence and truth in the liar, etc... --Robert T. Lee
"I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other gods you will understand why I dismiss yours." --Stephen F. Roberts
If we have to give up either religion or education, we should give up education." --William Jennings Bryan
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen." --George Carlin, on "Saturday Night Live"
Worm 6:9 Our father who are'nt in heaven, Hollow be thy name. Thy kingdom dead, thy will be read. On earth as if there were a heaven. Give us this day our daily dream and deliver us from reality. for thine is the falsehood, the corruption and the Horror forever. Hy-men"--Christian D. Seaver "The Book of Worm"
"If Jesus is the answer, then what was the question?"-- Jeffery Jay Lowder
"Archeologists near mount Sinai have discovered what is believed to be a missing page from the Bible and is believed to read 'To my darling Candy. All characters portrayed within this book are fictitous and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental"--Red Dwarf
Father says bow your head, Like the Good Book says. I think the Good Book is missing some pages."--Tori Amos

"Religion and liberty can never exist together." --the Reverend Richard Jackson

"Rest assured, I would not start somebody, I would not appoint somebody, to a position who was an open homosexual." --My beloved Dubya speaks to the religious right.

"He found that poverty around the world is a spiritual as well as a material problem – most poor people don't have faith that they and their situations can change." --Screw the relief trucks...send the starving masses some Bibles already!!

"Pay attention to the word of the Lord--for he loves you and he may kill you if you don't." --Tom Servo, MST3k

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth. And you should save it for someone you love." --Butch Hancock


"Cheng Hengming, leader of the Taiwanese sect God's Salvation Church, prophesied that God would appear on Channel 18 across the USA on the night of March 25. Imagine my horror when I turned on Channel 18 that evening and saw ... me! Did this mean I was God? If so, would I, an atheist, lose all belief in myself? Then I realized the show was a repeat of a local cable program I filmed a few weeks before. Still, I breathed a sigh of relief the next day when Cheng Hengming admitted that his prophecies had been "nonsense."

Matt Cherry on God.


"Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll to to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ...And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!"

George Carlin on God.


"Your article on the wiles of the creationists states that in Alabama all biology texts must now carry stickers advising the reader that evolution is an 'unproven belief' and 'should (only) be considered a theory.' One assumes, in the interests of fair play, that the creationists similarly insist that these stickers be affixed to Bibles." John R. Harris, Letter to the Editor, L.A. Times


"To think that the ruler of the universe will run to my assistance and bend the laws of nature for me is the height of arrogance. That implies that everyone else (such as the opposing football team, driver, student, parent) is de-selected, unfavored by God, and that I am special, above it all." Dan Barker


"I don't know that atheists should be considered citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God."-- George Bush, Sr.


"I want you to just let a wave of intolerance wash over you. I want you to let a wave of hatred wash over you. Yes, hate is good... Our goal is a Christian nation. We have a Biblical duty, we are called by God, to conquer this country. We don't want equal time. We don't want pluralism."--Randall Terry, Founder of Operation Rescue, The News-Sentinel, Fort Wayne, Indiana, 8-16-93


``I don't believe in sex before marriage. I don't believe in drugs or even smoking. I believe in God.'' --Britney Spears